lodessa: lol (Default)
[personal profile] lodessa
So I've been thinking a lot about perspective and desire objects and the psychology of it all. Mainly, I guess, I have been thinking about how my wiring, so to speak, has changed over the last few years when it comes to what/who I find attractive (especially in terms of objectifying actors etc).


I no longer find boys sexually attractive. Like I might admire a pretty teenage boy the same way I would a girl, visually appealing but not as a sex object. It's more than that, though. I am not sure when this happened. Around 2005 (I was 21) I remember seeing the preview for the first Narnia movie and going "That guy who plays Peter is pretty dreamy, I hope he's not actually that young." (William Moseley was 18 at the time) and that's maybe the last time I can distinctively recall being attracted to boyish good looks.

That's not really the shift I am talking about though. Maybe that is best defined by the moment I uttered the words "I'm not even bothered by Jamie Bamber's beard." Like... it didn't detract from his attractiveness to me at all (beards used to be a major turn off [still are for reality because pokey but in terms of visual objectification I've stopped minding]). I'd already been been looking at Jamie Bamber for a long while when that happened though. The truth of the matter is though, that my taste has changed... or evolved. Obviously, my Janeway/Chakotay spiral has had a strong component of drooling over Robert Beltran when in his 40s. I have been more focused on things like broad shoulders, powerful muscles, stronger features. When I was younger I was much more interested in slender and lithe.

So maybe this is just part of getting older... I mean that stands to reason. The thing is... I know not all women make this kind of shift. I look around me in fandom and I see plenty of women my age and older still fixating on young boys (and I am not judging them!) So I have considered the following factors:

1) Teaching. During the impacted time period, I have become a high school teacher. I interact on a daily basis with the reality of teenage boys. That probably kills the escapism/idealism that is appealing about the idea of a simpler/purer stage... the beauty of untouched youth. Also, it is just important and vital that I don't even look at them that way... that way lies the kind of scandal you keep reading about in the news. So I imagine I have on some level encouraged this shift, this line in the sand.

2) Hormones. A few years ago and[personal profile] sophia_helix  I had a conversation about the effects of being on hormonal birth control most of our lives (this around the time both of us stopped being: her on her journey to motherhood and me being liberated by my husband's vasectomy). We talked about wondering about the impact of our generation of being chemically neutered. The obvious thing I had noticed for me was that over time birth control sapped my ambition, made me want to nest. [personal profile] sophia_helix mentioned an increased awareness men's bodies and physicality. It is certainly likely that my body no longer thinking it is pregnant all the time is a factor as well.

3) Marriage. My husband is a tall man (unlike most of my ex boyfriends). He's also five years older than me and has definitely filled out significantly once he hit 30. So I think it makes sense that I am associating sex and attraction with more size and maturity. (Although, I guess my brain is looking ahead?)
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lodessa: lol (Default)

March 2016


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