lodessa: lol (dr. who-martha-possiblity and prosperity)
In my life as a housegirlfriend, my alone time is usually in the mornings. Today, however, he is working from 3 to midnight. So when he had to leave ... I felt sort of off. After calling [livejournal.com profile] sophia_helix and my mother I finally sucked it up, put on a sports bra and some yoga pants, as well as the sneakers I own solely for the purpose of exercising; I grabbed a bottle of water and my ipod, and I ventured out into the rain and walked over to our apartment complex workout room.

35 minutes of elliptical running to the sounds of Luscious Flow (my brother seriously produced something worthwhile) and Facing New York's new album (my bandslash is fucking canon so yeah be jealous) later, I felt incredibly rejuvenated walking back to my apartment in the rain, warm and cold at the same time. I captured a feeling that I always want to but rarely do with colder, wetter, weather. It was exciting instead of an impediment. It felt like being a kid, intentionally riding my bike through mud puddles with a friend.

Coming home, half sweaty and half rained on, heading to a warm shower, and and best of all, I had spiced hot apple cider at home to enjoy when I reached my destination... And I still kind of wanted to keep walking out in the wet darkening day.

Now I am going to go start my third soup/stew of the week and check on the laundry. I feel on a total high.
lodessa: lol (dr. who-martha-possiblity and prosperity)
The other night I was in the grocery store with my father (the cashier totally thought we were a couple, ewwwww!) who had driven over to hang out because my siblings had left him all alone or something, and we were browsing the produce section (on our way to get carrots for dinner) when I saw them: pomegranates. Now usually grocery store pomegranates are a depressing thing, sad, small, and miscolored, but these were large, round, and ruby. I wanted one. And so, I got one (because I am a grown up and can buy expensive fruit even if I am there with my daddy). And it tasted like autumn and hope and dreamy innocence begging to be broken. There is no stranger or more evocative food in my mind.

As a child, there are specifically two places I remember pomegranates from. The first, was the Thanksgiving type dinner for my pre-school, where they were center places that you then got to take home and eat. They were singular and rare and there was never enough.

The second is a bit more pastoral, more mythic. We lived in student family housing while I was growing up, and across the road from our complex were gardens (which could actually be rented per year for about what I pay a month for my cat these days I think) and they were a wonderful place for the kids in the area, riding bikes down paths and placing hide and seek among trees and tall grass. There was also a pomegranate tree. It might have been someone's or the lot might have been unrented at the time. But the tree was there, and I remember grasping the precious fruit (more so because it was rare, so seasonal) and eating it on shortening fall afternoons with the other kids, hands sticky and red. If I ever have the yard for it, I'd like to have a pomegranate tree. I hope the neighbor kids or my nieces and nephews will find something in it's branches to dwell on.

Pomegranates are seasonal, a fruit for the fall, for the darkening days of the descent into winter. Every seed is like a jewel as you peel back layers of covering to reveal them. Being a hopeless idealist in some ways, I cannot help but see them layered in myth, the delicate indulgence that damned Persephone forever. And that is part of their charm. Bloody and vibrant, they seem a harbinger of awakening sexuality. Perhaps it all ties in with the encroaching winter. The pomegranate comes before darker days, but it is in some primal way. Some sort of promise of death and rebirth. Of course it is the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, the tempting unknown that would start mankind down a path of joys and heartbreak.

Given all this, how could I not smile sadly, like the heroine of some great epic, when staring down at my sticky hands, the sweet and sour juices staining them. I'm ready for what comes next, I've been through the darkness before and I'll be there on the other side.
lodessa: lol (ats-fred/gunn)
Occasionally in the last year, too tired to deal with CD changes I have listened to the radio in the morning on the way to work. This is of course a terrible time to listen (not that there is ever a good time) because all the stations have their annoying morning shows so you can't even listen to the terrible overplayed music. However, I have noticed a change in the composition of this terrible institution since the last time I was listening to the radio (about a decade ago). In addition to the male (mostly guy's guy but with cracks of desirable softness) and the female (feminine but the sort of chick that hangs out with the boys and talks like she isn't into the complicated girl drama or whatever) they have now added a gay guy... because that's apparently a different gender or something. Now on the one hand, yay being gay is obviously more mainstream, but listening to five minutes of the persona they are representing forces me to conclude that possibly the world is scarier than ever. These guys are inevitably shallow, stupid, and emasculated. They are the worst sort of stereotype and seriously probably worse than nothing.

On the bright side. Listening to the radio reminded me of Junior High and how I used to write these amazing RFP future fics in which I was famous and successful (read: a famous actress, author, and designer) and would encounter all the people I currently knew and the ones I was mad at would have terrible futures and miserable fates and all my crushes would be madly in love with me and basically it was all amazingly indulgent wish fulfillment. I suspect that I am not the only one to have done this. Possibly most people didn't write them out but we all fantasize about these kind of things. I do have a point: Let's all write what we think our favorite characters' fantasies about the future would look like. Characters that are teenagers in the canon are probably going to be the easiest (Veronica Mars, Harry Potter, Buffy, etc.) but I'm sure there are others that would work as well (Ugly Betty maybe since they all act like they are twelve half the time?).

Looking towards the future, I took the CBEST on Saturday. Since for whatever reason I am not doing what I would need to in order to do a PhD program because maybe I don't really want it as much as I thought and honestly doing so isn't exactly a brilliant career move, I am moving on and I think that forcing Romeo and Juliet down the throats of 14 year olds, giving them vocab test, and grading their terrible papers would probably suit me surprisingly well and there is always a need teachers. So if all goes according to plan I will be starting Sac State teaching credential program in January (and if not then next fall) and finishing in Spring of 2010 either way.

Friday was Jeremy's birthday. I gave him a blue ipod nano. He named it Malcolm (as in Malcolm Reynolds).

[livejournal.com profile] sophia_helix and [livejournal.com profile] actoplasm came over for the birthday dinner. I made peach pork chops(a chicken variation for [livejournal.com profile] sophia_helix) and twice baked potatoes. It turned out really well. Details under the cut. )
lodessa: lol (btvs-faith-bad example)
1) Monday of this week, I finished Junot Diaz's The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, which did not disappoint. Diaz goes from large scale description to the intimately personal with such grace and incorporates diverse elements and genres in a way that is incredibly calculated but at the same time impossibly fluid. If you are going to read only one contemporary lit book, read this one. A lot of what the text treats on is trite on one level but the narration and perspective on it transforms the matter from dross to sublime. Plus you will all have fun picking up the variety of nerd references stretching from alterna comics to Lovecraft to anime and back again. The way he talks of El Jefe as Sauron with his cronies as Nazgul, while also telling you about the gruesome details with all the gritty certainty of realism. It's about the Dominican Republic, about growing up a fat nerd, about growing up Dominican in the US, about families and their intricacies, about superstition and fate and free will.

2)So I've been watching Tru Calling and Tuesday night I finished the first season and found myself totally being sad that there are only 6 episodes left. And it wasn't just because Eliza Dushku is gorgeous either. The premise (Eliza Dushku's character Tru works at a morgue; dead people ask her help, and she then relives the day in order to save them.) is a little suspect, but the larger storytelling, the cast as a whole, and the way the show handles tricky issues, really won me over. At first I was just excited to see Eliza Dushku play a responsible, college graduated, who hopes to go to med school, and takes care of her dysfunctional siblings, instead of just being the generally sexy rebel. But Tru is a good character for her own merit, flawed enough to not be annoying, but someone you can really root for. She has serious enough tragedies to feel relevant but all in all things don't seem to have been totally horrible for her or anything. She has a nice apartment, a college degree, and is pretty and easy to like. She wasn't raped or abused. But her family is messed up, her mother was murdered in front of her eyes, and whether she will ever make it to med school is in question. They make the wise decision of having Tru's brother and her boss/assistant play a bigger role than her love interest. Both characters are interesting and very different from each other. I'm not as crazy about the female supporting roles. Tru's cokehead executive sister is satisfying to watch but hardly original, and her best friend Lindsey remains ultimately a stereotypical and shallow (though not mean spirited) girl whom Tru can never confide in. People react reasonably to Tru's interference, not just suddenly believing some random girl they don't know. Tru's fragmented and damaged family comes across realistically and sympathetically. Her relationship with the other characters on the show and the problems her special talent bring to her life are believable. The thing that makes me the most sad about the fact that the show was canceled is that I am really starting to care about the mythos of the show and the mystery surrounding Tru's mother's murder (which took place 10 years before the show begins).

3) Wednesday, I decided to go to the new Costco in the town just north of us (so new that the street it's technically on hasn't even been finished yet). It's a good 10 feet wider than all other Costcos I have been in. Kyle went with me and we got there at about 7:30. Standing in line, I suddenly had a craving for one of their hot dogs. Maybe it was only having had a modest bowl of Raisin Bran, but I was really excited about the idea and Kyle was too. Seriously it's probably been almost a decade since I've had one. I overheard the cashier asking the people in front of us if they wanted anything from the food bar and though that was convenient. She didn't ask us though. I almost said something but then was like whatever I'll just get it at the actual stand. So we waited another 15 minutes to get to the front of the line only to find out that they were CASH ONLY. Our options where:
a) Stand in the original line again to pay with a card, then stand in the pick up line.
b)Get money from the ATM and stand in the food line again.
c) Give up.
We gave up mostly because I was annoyed. Why would they have a new thing be cash only, and if it was why did the bitch cashier not give us the opportunity? We were profiled! Plus I was starving so I felt like crying. So we went to KFC because we were trying to think of somewhere we don't go often. Plus they have delicious biscuits.

4) We all like to laugh at writers like Anne McCaffery and for good reason. Their books tend to be all the same, at least after the first few. But honestly she was my gateway into fantasy (well my parents read some to me, but hers were the first ones I read for myself). I've read so many of her books that I have a hard time remembering which ones they were vs. the ones I haven't. And I enjoyed them (mostly for the cheesy but implied porn romance plot lines). So tell me, what redundant writers have you read so many of that you no longer remember the individual titles? I'm thinking fantasy authors but any other genre is okay too. I also read a ton of those "The Cat Who blah blah blah" mysteries. And on the kid/ya front I read a ridiculous amount of: Nancy Drew, The Nancy Drew Files, Christopher Pike, Sweet Valley High, and The Babysitters Club. My favorite professor once referred to how we approach these things as consumption reading, differentiating it from when we take time to look at a text and judge it's merits. So tell me flist, what kind of literary junk food have you gone through in your time?
lodessa: lol (ugly betty-rich white boy pain)
1) Very important question:
[Poll #1079398]

2)Details of party to follow when I get the pictures uploaded.

3)I have written something for my asoiaf slash ficlet assignment. I feel like it sucks though. I feel like I have lost the ability to write anything good.

4)Fics I still NEED to write:
a) Actual big ASOIAF ficathon fic.
b) Faith/Wes ficlet
c) Ten/Martha fluff

5)Fics I still have delusions that I will write someday:
a)Harry/Luna emotional affair canon compliant post DH fic
b)Samson and Delilah Retelling Wes/Lilah fic

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March 2016

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