lodessa: lol (firefly-zoe)
So Berkeley is a no. Best case scenario I'll be leaving Northern California.

On the plus side for today: I found the diamond pendant Jeremy gave me for Christmas which disappeared while I was taking it off Thursday night (it was hidden in amongst the whites pile).

The current coping mechanism is to do all the laundry for the first time in like 6 months.
lodessa: lol (office-accidental vindictive genius)
Days Woken Up Before 4AM This Week: 3
Days Called In Sick of Work This Week: 1
Hours Spent Working on Applications This Week: 12
Hours of TV Watched This Week: 8 (most recent 2 episodes of Bones, first 6 episodes of Babylon 5)
Hours of WoW Played This Week: 6
Words Written of [livejournal.com profile] asoiaf_exchange Fic: 700 (of like many thousand but at least I am finally getting something written)
Pages Cut From Graduate School Materials in Editing Process This Week: 6 (4 from Writing Sample, 2 from Statement of Purpose)
Hanukkah Presents Received This Week: Season 2 Bones DVDs (from Jeremy)

Meme: You pick a scenario and a fandom. I will pick a pairing.


Dec. 3rd, 2007 07:22 am
lodessa: lol (30 Rock-Feminism vs. Capitalism)
So I've been away for almost two weeks thanks to Thanksgiving and my actually taking a week off for graduate school application stuff. The Results:

1) Cooked most of a Thanksgiving meal.
2) Quality time spent with my paternal grandparents: 5 Days.
3) Something vaguely resembling a writing sample and of an appropriate length written.
4) All 3 professors writing letters of recommendation visited and forms distributed (though not without much flailing).
5) Preview showing of The Golden Compass: attended (though not with [livejournal.com profile] hobviously sadly)
6) Hours spent researching UC Berkeley English Department Faculty: many.
7) Jeremy dropping me off at work at 4AM on his way out of town this morning at my request as to a)not have to deal with the cold of busing or biking or inevitable lateness of relying on my mother b)have time dedicated to finishing at least a draft of my first statement of purpose.
8) Something passable as a statement of purpose created.

I will slowly be trying to catch up on some of what's been going on while I've been away but if you think there's something I should be aware of please let me know.
lodessa: lol (bsg-six/gaius-mindfuck)
Last night I had a complete meltdown in therapy about the habituation I've fallen into and the way I am not dealing with writing my writing sample of statements of purpose for graduate school. I came to the conclusion that mostly I needed to stop breaking my own schedule and that Jeremy and I need to be harder on each other about doing what we say we are going to.

Today I looked at my latest pay stub and realized I have two weeks worth of vacation time saved up. I am of two/three minds about that fact:

1) If I don't use my vacation when I leave I get all that money paid out and saving would result in about a month's worth of pay by July.

2) Once the Christmas Rush is over Jeremy and I could use that time to go on an actual Vacation.

3) I could take some time off and use it to work on my graduate school applications. I really don't have as much time for them as I always think I will while working full time.

[Poll #1085769]
lodessa: lol (firefly-jayne-server first)
Theoretical Approaches Used So Far in Writing Sample:

Cultural Studies (History, Sociology, Religious Studies)

Basic Argument:

Contrary to psychoanalytic critic's claim that Billy Budd self-castrates himself to repress his hostility and avoid inevitable conflict with Vere, the father, Billy is feminine by nature. He is particularly parallel to the ideals of the Cult of Domesticity and the plot line agrees with such a reading. This seems to indicate that although Melville didn't set out to make Billy feminine his idea of purity and virtue was that of the idealized women of the former ideology. The reactions that the other characters have to this ideal woman reflect the distrust and fear that male Christian dogma continues to promote about women, despite the change of rhetoric that went along with the reformation. Ultimately the characters, and actual people, cannot deal with what their ideology canno explain and Billy as a woman serves as the feared "Other". He becomes the misunderstood woman hung for witchcraft. Given Melville's discouraged state of mind after the rejection of his experimental structure by readers, one can easily see him as the rejected other. And given the passivity and hopelessness of overcoming this difference in his text, if anyone is self castrating it is Melville himself.
lodessa: lol (btvs-faith/buffy-(sub)text)
1) 2 Weeks and 3 Days Until my GRE Subject Test for Literature in English.  I am in no way prepared.  Please ask me more questions.

2) I am not stalking Alan Rickman and Eliza Dushku; because, hey I really don't need to make an ass of myself in front of famous people I am actually impressed by. Also: work.

3) My sister has named her new kitten Mr. Ernest Worthing... no one said we weren't a nerdy family (Just be glad that that we didn't go with Ziggy Stardust or Buddy Holly or Biggie Smalls or any of the other ideas that were popular).

4) This weekend my cousin Rachel got married.  My cousin Matt was a bridesmaid... he also caught the bouquet.

5)I have pretty pretty nails (pink and whites and shiny light pink on the toes with white flowers and purple rhinestones). They make me feel... classy.

6) Possibly I never mentioned how pretty my undergraduate school is. ) That's a fairly accurate representation of the school's buildings and grounds... not just the one perfect view or something.

Not Dead

Sep. 12th, 2007 10:36 am
lodessa: lol (ats-wes)
So I was out sick last week and this week I came back to unhappy coworkers and bosses.  Which makes me unhappy... and feel like crap emotionally as well as physically.  They aren't annoyed at me for the things I feel bad about regarding my work performance but the fact that I am insecure makes their criticism hurt even though it is about totally unjust things I shouldn't care about.  My problems with work to a certain extent stem from the fact that I refuse to BE my job.  It's not a career for me it's a job and I want to do a good job but it is not who I am and a refuse to let it ingrain itself on me.  They want me to be the job to love the office to become the identity of administrative assistance.  Fuck all that pedestrian bullshit.  I can't tell them but I will be out of her in a year and in the meantime I will simper and and smile winder than is natural and pretend that this is what I want out of life... but I refuse to believe it. 

In better news, it looks like the Rome Trip is actually a serious plan.  I've wanted to go to Italy for as long as I've known about its existence.  Yes I wish I could take a longer trip and August isn't exactly an ideal month and all that, but if I go on waiting for the perfect time forever I will never see anything and that is what my domestic travels in the last few years have made me realize... less than ideal trips can still be great.  And it's Rome people.  I seriously cannot begin to say how much this is the place.  Other people dream of going to Paris or London but that's never been me.  Ages piled on top of each other, all that history and yet still alive and vibrant.  My Italian professor in college was Roman and when she mentioned Rome there was just something that made you feel like there could be no greater place.  Other people have that feeling for other cities of course.  I've met a lot of New York-philes in my life.  But I think that Rome is something different.  There have been cities and towns and landscapes I've loved myself.  I'm still planning to go back to New Mexico and bask in its mesas and afternoon summer rains and the cliff dwellings and shards of pottery lying everywhere.  Chicago stole my heart unexpectedly.  But it's different.  I've never been to Europe.  Roman roads were built to last and everything points back,  indicators of something great and terrible.  I don't know what it will be like... but I know it is worth finding out.

Also, help me study for me GRE Subject Test for Literature in English.  Ask me about an author or piece of literature from the literary canon (no contemporary stuff please) and I will tell you about he/she/it.  If I don't already know I'll find out.


lodessa: lol (Default)

March 2016



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