lodessa | From the Mad Libs-esque Drabble Generator:

The Adventure Of The House Elf

Bellatrix and Sirius were out for a black Valentine's walk in the attic. As they went, Sirius rested his hand on Bellatrix's hair. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so dangerous, Bellatrix was filled with volatile dread.

"Do you suppose it's lusty here?" she asked angrily.

"You hysterical silly," Sirius said, tickling Bellatrix with her ring. "It's completely pure."

Just then, a promiscuous house elf leapt out from behind a clothing and pressed Sirius in the throat. "Aaargh!" Sirius screamed.

Things looked shapely. But Bellatrix, although she was crazy, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a portrait and, like a harpy with it's piercing cry and sharp talons, beat the house elf seductively until it ran off. "That will teach you to desire innocent people."

Then she clasped Sirius close. Sirius was bleeding erotically. "My darling," Bellatrix said, and pressed her lips to Sirius's ankle.

"I love you," Sirius said madly, and expired in Bellatrix's arms.

Bellatrix never loved again.