Not Dead

[lodessa]

So I was out sick last week and this week I came back to unhappy coworkers and bosses.  Which makes me unhappy... and feel like crap emotionally as well as physically.  They aren't annoyed at me for the things I feel bad about regarding my work performance but the fact that I am insecure makes their criticism hurt even though it is about totally unjust things I shouldn't care about.  My problems with work to a certain extent stem from the fact that I refuse to BE my job.  It's not a career for me it's a job and I want to do a good job but it is not who I am and a refuse to let it ingrain itself on me.  They want me to be the job to love the office to become the identity of administrative assistance.  Fuck all that pedestrian bullshit.  I can't tell them but I will be out of her in a year and in the meantime I will simper and and smile winder than is natural and pretend that this is what I want out of life... but I refuse to believe it. 

In better news, it looks like the Rome Trip is actually a serious plan.  I've wanted to go to Italy for as long as I've known about its existence.  Yes I wish I could take a longer trip and August isn't exactly an ideal month and all that, but if I go on waiting for the perfect time forever I will never see anything and that is what my domestic travels in the last few years have made me realize... less than ideal trips can still be great.  And it's Rome people.  I seriously cannot begin to say how much this is the place.  Other people dream of going to Paris or London but that's never been me.  Ages piled on top of each other, all that history and yet still alive and vibrant.  My Italian professor in college was Roman and when she mentioned Rome there was just something that made you feel like there could be no greater place.  Other people have that feeling for other cities of course.  I've met a lot of New York-philes in my life.  But I think that Rome is something different.  There have been cities and towns and landscapes I've loved myself.  I'm still planning to go back to New Mexico and bask in its mesas and afternoon summer rains and the cliff dwellings and shards of pottery lying everywhere.  Chicago stole my heart unexpectedly.  But it's different.  I've never been to Europe.  Roman roads were built to last and everything points back,  indicators of something great and terrible.  I don't know what it will be like... but I know it is worth finding out.

Also, help me study for me GRE Subject Test for Literature in English.  Ask me about an author or piece of literature from the literary canon (no contemporary stuff please) and I will tell you about he/she/it.  If I don't already know I'll find out.

Comments

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

I've never really been to Europe either. I've wanted to. Rome sounds awesome.

Tell me about Fyodor Dostoevsky, specifically Crime and Punishment.

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

We are really excited about Rome.


Dostoevsky's novels almost always deal with characters and families that are sliding out of the upper class and down into poverty, but because they have been raised with the ideals of the gentry have no idea how to deal with things like needing to do something to make money. Like most Russian authors, Dostoevsky does have a feeling of something innate and unique about Russia and "Russian-ness" although it is much less idealistic than Tolstoy's sentiment about the subject. Dostoevsky is also a sort of the grandfather to existentialistic philosophy, although he himself cannot quite be classified as an existentialist. He also displays a lot steam of consciousness tendencies, although the style was not in vogue during his writing yet. These two things are interconnected, as existentialism prioritizes one's personal experience over everything else (Famous existentialist writers include: Sartre, Camus, Kierkegaard, Heidegger, Kafka, and more recently Kundera. Nietzsche is considered to be the father of existentialism as well as various other 20th century philosophical frameworks).

Crime and Punishment is about Raskolnikov, a young man from one of those families who can no longer support the leisurely lifestyle they have come to expect. He's had to drop out of school because he has no money and is in debt. He goes to pawn something (a watch I think) and becomes obsessed with the idea of killing this old woman who is the one he is pawning to. He uses reason to justify killing her, deciding that she wouldn't be a loss to the world and that his getting the money be plans to steal from her would be, and is spurred on by the fact that his sister is to be married to this guy Raskolnikov thinks is snooty and brutish because of their financial troubles. The rest of the novel goes spiraling down further as he accidentally ends up killing the moneylender's pathetic and somewhat innocent seeming sister in the heat of the moment and goes on to have paranoia that everyone knows, much like Poe's many stories with this theme, most famously "The Tell Tale Heart". Raskolvikov uses some of the money to help this drunk's family, including his daughter, whom the stepmother has essentially forced out into prostitution by guilting her about needing to contribute to the family. Ultimately, Raskolnikov's friend (who has fallen in love with the sister) is left to take care of the sister and mother and Raskolnikov turns himself in and serves time in Siberia but is followed by the former whore who is actually a purifying figure and proves to be his redemption.

More on C&P and Dostoevsky in general

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Raskolnikov's rationalizing murder is probably the key idea that people like to talk about in relation to the work.

Other important works by Dostoevsky include: The Brothers Karamazov, The Idiot and Notes from Underground.

The Idiot has a pretty obvious messianic component and is a little softer than most of his work. It's sad, but it isn't as dire seeming. Notes from Underground is a novella which basically boils the ideas of all his work, especially Crime and Punishment, down to their purest form and is an excellent example of what the novella as a literary form is really all about. It is my personal favorite of his work.

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

Well spoke.

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

To read makes our speaking English good.

[queenofthorns.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm all in favor of going to Rome - I think it's my favorite city in Italy (maybe the world!) and ... well, you will see that there is a quality to the light there that is different from anywhere I've ever been. It's gorgeous. And I love that the city wears its history so lightly - there's no reverential "theme-park" kind of feel to it, but just people going about their daily business, whose offices just HAPPEN to be in Hadrian's palace :P

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

It sounds amazing. I am ridiculously excited about getting to experience it myself.

When I think about Italy in the past few years I often think about the scene in Catch 22 where the old man from the whore house says that they know which wars to lose and that Italy will be there long after the US because we haven't learned that and talks about how he went to throw flowers when the Germans came and when the Americans did equally... like there is just so much history already there that it hardly seems relevant to him anymore.

And I figure if I only have time/money to visit one place right now... well could it really be anywhere other than Rome?

[redcandle17.livejournal.com]

The Stranger by Albert Camus.

Apparently Existentialism is Popular with my Flist

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

The most distinctive thing about The Stranger is its style. Written from the perspective of a character whose experience is so very detached emotionally that he notes everything with equal emphasis, from his mother's death to his sexual relationships to what he had for breakfast. At the climax of the novel, when he finally experiences emotion he doesn't even describe it as such, being so out of practice with the idea that he merely says that it was "hot". Plotwise, he kills a man in self defense and ends up being convicted of murder and sentenced to death not because of his actions but because the jury finds him extremely alienating during the trial. The Stanger finds a sort of existentialist awakening in prison, which has to do with the existentialist philosophy about living every moment intensely in the way that you experience it, no necessarily by doing big or exciting seeming things from the outside. So because his mental state changes his life is more fulfilling sitting in a cell than it was while he was walking around.

The Stranger is Camus most famous book (I enjoyed The Plague more however) and can be admired for it's clean style and construction. Camus himself is known as one of the great French Existentialists. His friendship and falling out with fellow existentialist Sartre and the French Communist Party are noteworthy. Camus and Sartre maintained a certain level of respect for each other, although ideologically divided by what is generally referred to as the clean vs. dirty hands argument. Camus believed that it was better to do nothing than to attempt to achieve good though tainted means, whereas Sartre believed that it was better to do questionable things than to do nothing for fear of dirtying oneself (Sartre actually wrote a play called "Dirty Hands" which takes place in Russia but is clearly related to his falling out with Camus). Also Camus was raised in Algeria (which was owned by the French at the time) and most of his work takes place there... including The Stranger

[hamsterwoman]

Ooh, I didn't know you'd taken Italian! (I have forgotten what feels like all of the Italian I learned over the 4.5 years I studied it -- including the word "to forget" -- though hopefully it's all still lurking somewhere in the form of passive vocabulary...)

I generally don't like big cities, but I do like Rome, way better than Paris or London or Amsterdam. I'm sure you'll have an awesome, even if imperfect, trip.

So, are poets fair game, too? In that case, William Blake.

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I completely have forgotten most of my Italian. I want to say that I forgot is "no me recuento" but that is possibly Spanish... which I forgot before I even started learning Italian.

Poets are totally fair game.

William Blake: as well as being a poet he etched illustrations. He is most famous for Songs of Innocence and Songs of Experience. The Sick Rose", "The Poison Tree", "My Pretty Rose Tree" and "The Tyger" which is pretty much the universally used example of Trochaic verse. Generally speaking he has a clean simple sounding style of verse, which makes him one of the most accessible poets of note. "The Marriage of Heaven and Hell" is also a famous piece of his work.

[hamsterwoman]

Hm... I think "no me recuento" is indeed Spanish. The Italian equivalent would be something like "non ricordo" (maybe? it sounds vaguely familiar but now written down looksall wrong) But I could've sworn there was an actual "forgot" rather than "don't remember", and it's driving me nuts...

"The Tyger" which is pretty much the universally used example of Trochaic verse.

It is, isn't it... Just like "Charge of the Light Brigade" for dactyls...

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

It's "dimenticai" which sounds totally right now that I looked it up.

Well some poetic forms are just rarely a good thing. If I was ever teaching a creative writing on poetry class I would definitely advise against thinking they were going to master the trochee. There's a reason most people stick the iamb. Good on Blake for pulling it off, but most people just can't.

[hamsterwoman]

Of course! Dimenticare! *kicks self*

If I was ever teaching a creative writing on poetry class I would definitely advise against thinking they were going to master the trochee.

Yeah, I just think... you know, if you're going to consciously *set out* to write trochee for a particular poem, rather than having that emerge as the meter because as you're building the poem that's the meter the words fall into -- I think you're doing it wrong. It's got to be organic.

Blake's actually got a lot of trochee in his verse -- like the Intro to Songs of Innoncence ("Piping down the valleys wild") and bits of "Hear the voice of the bard") from Experience. It suits him, but, yeah, it wouldn't suit most people...

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

I know... that's how I felt when I looked it up too.

Indeed that's a lesson that I learned during the short period of time I tried to to adhere to a given rhyme and meter scheme in my poetry... it was all really horrible as a result.

Which always reminds me of that scene in Much Ado when Benedick is having a hard time trying to write about Beatrice and failing at rhyming.

Awesome people who naturally think in these forms can do it but the rest of us are better leaving well enough alone is the conclusion.

[silver-fic.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Thanks

[silver-fic.livejournal.com]

How are the prompts going?

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Slowly at the moment. I'm really swamped with work, studying, and social obligations.

I do have two Martha bunnies, one of which is Jack/Martha.

[silver-fic.livejournal.com]

*squeak*

[five minutes later] Okay, done squeaking now.

Seriously? Jack/Martha? Really? Cool ^____^ Any Martha Bunnies are cool, but bunnies involving Jack add an extra note of awesome ^__^

I love Jack so very very much

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Heehee. Well I am glad that the concept meets with your approval. Now I just have to actually write it. (It's really great in my head and sometimes that makes it frustrating when it refuses to come out nicely in writing). The way last season ended just gave me so many good bunnies including the Martha/Jack one and of course for Martha/scuffy doctor who took a bullet for her.

[silver-fic.livejournal.com]

Oh I so want to read those. Best of luck writing.

And I have heard repeatedly that Martha will be on Torchwood for a bit next season (I so hope it's at the same time as James Marsters, that would be hot ^__^)

And that doctor was so cute ^__^ I love that she callled him, that was wonderful

[silver-fic.livejournal.com]

Oh, and *hugs* good luck with all of your obligations, hope things get better, and good luck with the writing. I joined fanfic100 and my claim is Captain Jack, and so far I have only written one story (but it was something like 850 words, so it's a start right?) SO yeah, not doing so well with the getting writing done, and I have written out the V/Clarence Weidman story, but it's kind of like three stories jumbled together, so I am still trying to figure out how to fix that, and I wrote it two weeks ago, so yeah, nto doing so well on that count.

Huh.... I swear that was related somehow when I started (amusingly enough that is exactly what happened to the VM/CW story, it started as one thing and by the end it was something totally different.)

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Veronica/Clarence Weidman is like one of my more favorite pairings! Squee!

Well hopefully work will get better, and after October 6th I'll be writing (critical paper not fiction though) instead of studying. It's just a rough patch. After December/January when all my applications are in I will breathe a huge sigh of relief.

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

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