Meme Answers and Tarot

[lodessa]

Explanations of 5 of my Interests, selected by girlupnorth

* arthurian legend - When I was in eighth grade, I wrote a 20 page term paper about different versions of the Arthur Myth (focusing especially on the portrayal of adultery) and sometimes I feel like the same impulse that caused me to be interested in that is what makes us all interested in fandom. You have this root idea of something but it's represented a thousand different ways. And the legend is of course excellent fodder for this because it is so epic, so sprawling, I cannot imagine that anyone would be able to remember every character contained within. So we take a piece and we fill it out and suddenly we understand things in a new light and we care about a character who was just a name until then. I would be lying if I said that The Mists of Avalon didn't play a big role in this interest forming, but I also recall reading a YA series about Gueneviere and the Mary Stewart series at about the same time, among others.

* brutus/mark antony - I'm really sad that no one will write me this pairing or point me in the direction of something that's been written about it. In 2000 years I would think someone would have gotten around to it. I'm usually not a boyslasher, but this pairing includes one of my favorite elements, which is the being bound together by a common (lost) loved one. Obviously in this case that person is Caesar, because who loves him more than these two... Brutus who betrays him and Antony who avenges him, but both utterly consumed by this earth shaking man. So there's this common bond but at the same time antagonism and conflict which makes it interesting and compelling.

* making lists - I love making lists and find it really calming and relaxing. In fact I will make lists of random crap to get myself to calm down from freak outs or enough to fall asleep. It's a little way to create some order in the universe. And isn't that why I like meme's like this and interests lists in general?

* not watching supernatural - Given the predominance of this show in fandom at large, we felt it needed to be said. Also it's my way of telling people that the omission is intentional and that I do not want them to pimp the damned thing to me or tell me why I should be watching it. I will never watch Supernatural, not ever, and you cannot make me. For me, it stands for everything that is loathsome.

*supertext - The opposite of subtext.



Explanations of 5 of my lj tags, chosen by syderia

*omg i have a life! - This is my tag for talking about IRL stuff like going places or hanging out with people. I named it this way when doing anything other than work, school, and the internet, was rare and it remains applicable because often on fannish ljs we just forget to mention big life events and people that are important. So things seem sudden or surprising to my flist, even though they might have known me a long time.

*tarot- I love tarot, although I use it more as a tool for introspection and processing things than for prediction. Also I really just love it for the iconic element and the symbols and system of organization. I currently possess 4 decks:
The Goddess Tarot - Given to me on my 15th birthday "by my brother" (my mom bought it but he picked it out), this was my first tarot deck. It was a really lovely choice and I still am fond of it, despite its tendency to be overly positive and talk about "The divine feminine".
Legend: Arthurian Tarot - Not to be confused with the regular old "Arthurian Tarot", this deck was one that was dead on from the first spread. It's gorgeous, and basically I picked it out and my mom bought it for me (because you can't buy your own tarot decks)when I was about 20 and I've really loved it ever since.
The Golden Tarot - sophia_helix found this deck to be mean and judgey so she handed it off to me. I find it to be simplistic and literal but sort of like that and we've found it is much better for reading someone else's cards than just doing your own because of that.
The Archeon Tarot - I'd admired this deck for a while online and then saw in in the case at our local game shop a few months back and stated as much, so Jeremy bought it for me. At first I was worried that the sort of risque look was going to end up being misogynistic but so far it's just totally gorgeous and evocative. I finally used it a few days ago, and the results are in are recorded under the cut tag later in this entry. It's definitely pushing for favorite though.

*regina spektor - I seriously love Regina Spektor. I took an embarrassingly long time to pay attention to sainfoin_fields on this subject, but once I did I was totally hooked. She ranges from sublime to gritty and just has a such a wide spectrum and yet is always so intimately personal and yet grand. I've seen her live twice and both times she was adorable and amazing and even better than recorded, which is rare. I don't talk aobut music much in this lj, but it used to be really important to me and ocasionally an artist like Regina makes me feel like it still it.

*pseudo incest - People whose parents are married, those who think they are related but turn out not to be. It's a fairly common trope in fiction and it provides a great setup for tension, like in Veronica Mars when she and Duncan think they are brother and sister and feel totally conflicted about that they still have feelings for each other. Or the fact that Maeby and George Michael are cousins but it's constantly in question as to whether they actually are for one reason or another. It's a way to play with the incest taboo without committing.

*consumerism - I usually use this tag to talk about shopping and/or gifts because I fell weird about it. Especially all the branding. So basically I feel like a consumerist whore but labeling the discussion as such makes me feel better and honest. And then I go and enjoy my Carlos Santana shoes and my overpriced DVD box sets.




Celtic Cross Spread (using my new Archeon Tarot Deck)
Intended to clarify my life/work path issues

XII - The Hanged Man
IV - The Emperor
IX - The Hermit (reversed)
The Nine of Swords
The Eight of Swords
The Eight of Pentacles
XII - Death (reversed)
The Five of Cups
XX - Judgement
The Nine of Pentacles

Additional Cards that "Jumped Out":
The Queen of Pentacles
I - The Magician
The Six of Wands

My Reading (trusting the book for this deck to be true for these particular cards instead of assuming from previous decks)

Card 1, XII The Hanged Man: The Basic Issue
This card is all about forks in the road and re-evaluating one's situation and direction. It's a warning that should be heeded and a call for reflection. In this case I think the message is pretty obviously about my rethinking my career goals and realizing that probably I don't want to do the PhD program or be in academia. But at the same time it is also a call to wake up and notice that I am drifting further and further into jobs I don't like and making nothing of my life, so it's time to backtrack and head another direction.

Card 2, The Emperor: The Near Future
This card is about ambition, rational thought, and linearity. Basically it is about the mentality and kind of action I need to take to get things back on track.

Card 3, IX The Hermit (reversed): The Foundation of the Issue
And here we have paranoia, fear, isolation, a sense of rejection, and withdrawal from the world. Basically I am afraid of failure and rejection and being told no and not being good enough so much that I am afraid to try and to put myself out there. So there is no way I can win.

Card 4, The Nine of Swords: The Recent Past
Even better, we have despair, feeling under pressure, depression, and feelings of hopelessness. That applies both to my job and the process of trying to apply to PhD programs. I just feel so buried by it all that I will never get out. It makes it really hard to work on solutions when the problem feels inescapable.

Card 5, The Eight of Swords: My Goals
Interestingly enough, this card is also about feeling trapped, indicating that my inspiration is negative, the motivation of not wanting what is.

Card 6, The Eight of Pentacles: The Road Ahead
At last a positive card, this one is about skills and training and so would indicate that yes I am going to go back to school and supports the idea of a teaching credential as opposed to academic degree, since it's more about practical things.

Card 7, XII Death (reversed): The Self
This is a card about clinging to the past and not moving forward when the time has come and gone. Clearly this is about my idea of myself as this dreamy academic and refusing value or see that I have changed into someone else and act on that transition.

Card 8, The Five of Cups: Those Around Me
This card is about disappointment and feeling unappreciated and like people aren't meeting your needs and expectations. So the question is whether I am feeling like people are failing me or whether I am feeling like I am failing them. I suspect it is a little of both. I do think that I am insecure about people coming through for me, but it is more relevant to this issue that I fear letting people down and I have been ashamed on not following through on the grad school plan which I announced.

Card 9, XX Judgement: Hopes and Fears
This card is about finality and outcomes, but also about renewal. Clearly this is what I am hoping for, to end this stage of indecision and move forward.

Card 10, The Nine of Pentacles: Possible Outcome
This is a card of satisfaction, abundance, and self reliance. It's about having achieved one's goals but especially about being complete on one's own. I think it's telling me to make my own luck instead of hoping that someone will make me help myself, but also indicating that success is possible out of this negative quagmire.


Extra Cards:

The Queen of Pentacles: For me the Queen of Pentacles always means my new self. She is about prosperity and resourcefulness. She is generous but in a much more material way than the emotion based Queen of Cups, whom I identified with in High School, or the Queen of Swords, who is about the intellect and the kind of goals that were associated with planning for a PhD. So I'd say this is a reminder of my shifting priorities and that they are okay.

I - The Magician: The Magician is sort of crafty. He's resourceful and flexible and makes sense as a icon for changing plans and coming up with new ways of looking for solutions.

The Six of Wands: It is noticeable that there where no Wands (a suit about change and movement) in a spread about what they seem to stand for. This one is a good omen though, indicating success, conquest, and rewards.


In Conclusion: Get your shit together, stop being so scared and acting out of fear, and take the logical steps to get to a better place.

Comments

[syderia]

Thanks for your answers !

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Hopefully they were entertaining and/or elucidating.

[spectralbovine.livejournal.com]

They were!

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Yay!

[syderia]

Yes, they were. :-D

[hamsterwoman]

because you can't buy your own tarot decks

Really? I don't think I've ever heard that... Most of my decks were actually bought/given to me by someone else, but my "workhorse" deck (er, that I haven't touched in a couple of years, but it used to be the workhorse) is the one I bought myself, and that was the only one that felt really "true" -- the others were just playing around with pretty pictures.

That's a very interesting reading! The "initial conditions" cards really seem to fit your situation really well -- so it's very heartening that it ends on a positive note!

(Random fact: Nine of Pentacles is "my" card -- whenever it comes up in my readings, it's generally just the quester card, and it sometimes randomly comes up in readings I do for other people with my deck, and doesn't seem to mean anything other than that I'm doing the reading. It was one of those cards that just kept jumping out at me when I laid out cards or cut them, and that's how I knew it was my card, rather than any of the court cards...)

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

You're not supposed to, but then again you are not supposed to let other people touch your cards but I totally do so superstition is always a take it or leave it thing.

Intersting. sophia_helix and I have lot of baggage around the Nine of Pentacles actually, with it being sort of a temptation card.

My mother's card is The Star, which makes a lot of sense for her. Seriously, she was telling me about this when I first got my favorite deck and I was like "yeah yeah" and then of course I popped up in the spread I did for her. Because it always does for her.

I've identified with different cards over the years. I have a necklace of the Two of Cups, but it was almost Strength.

Yes, this was a really interesting reading because it seemed really honest but hopeful, so I am kind of thinking that I may have found a second deck that really reads true for me.

[hamsterwoman]

Yeah, the "no other people touching your deck" is a superstition I'm aware of and actively ignore; the other one I was not even aware of (and will continue to ignore now that I am :P).

The Star is such a lovely card to have as one's card. My friend's was Justice, which is a sort of uncomfortable one, but she is a Libra, and very much a Libra, so perhaps that was the connection.

I was actually kind of bummed at first that my card seemed to to be not a Major Arcana card (I was really hoping for The Magician...) or even a face card, but a nine, and the pentacles were my least favorite suit at the time -- but the Nine of Pentacles in my workhorse deck (Morgan Greer) is so pretty, all purple and green, that I came to be very fond of it pretty soon. And, meaning-wise, it's a pretty fitting card for me. (The 9 of P never looked particularly trapped to me, even in decks other than mine, which show the walls of the garden -- it always felt like willfully secluding herself to take a break and enjoy some solitude, rather than being somehow trapped there, even complacently.)

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

For a while there I was getting the Eight of Swords... less than positive. But i think I am past that now.

Yeah that's definitely how I see the 9 of Pentacles as well, it's just for me it's that idea of the contented isolation is in contrast with everything else about my life and goals. It's the temptation to hang out in that garden instead of doing the things that are more difficult/confrontational.

[hamsterwoman]

Yeah, Eight of Swords would be a rather uncomfortable card, so I'm glad you are past it. Two of Cups and Strength are both really good "self" cards, though.

I see what you mean about 9 of Pentacles. I guess I've never seen it as a temptation to opt out of the more difficult things in life because... well, I sort of fundamentally lack ambition, and so the state of the 9 of P figure is an equilibirum/end state I'm perfectly content with -- like, I see no reason to leave the garden, since she looks pretty cozy in there, and what else do you (meaning "me") really need? And, I know the bird is supposed to mean mastery over thought or reaching towards self-actualization/higher spirituality or whatever, but to me it always came across as a) actually having another creature in the garden with you, so you're not totally alone, and (more importantly) b) a way to reach out to others without leaving your garden, like a messenger bird.

But that's just me, and I know I'm rather weird in this respect (the lack of ambition thing).

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

For me the ambition is totally about my sense of self worth and desire to be appreciated by others. So there is a conflict internally between that and the desire to hang out in the garden.

It is a lovely card. I just have issues.

[hamsterwoman]

For me the ambition is totally about my sense of self worth and desire to be appreciated by others.

Ah -- put that way, it makes sense to me perfectly.

Also, you icon is hilarious!

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Thank you. As I recall you do not watch Doctor Who, but the icon pretty much summarizes why I enjoy Ten but cannot fangirl him.

[sainfoin-fields.livejournal.com]

I want to do some tarot. I really need a new deck that I'm more comfortable with. Poop.

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

I wish you could come do tarot with me.

[sophia-helix.livejournal.com]

Card #7 is really interesting and in an apt spot.

Card #5 worries me a little in that it seems to be warning that what's ahead of you will have its own emotional difficulties to watch out for. On the other hand, you could maybe see it literally that "your goals" are in response to "being trapped."

The Magician to me often means tricky work, not just the skills-training of the Eight of Pentacles or the steady plodding of the Knight of Pentacles, but someone really active who is making something out of nothing, or a number of diverse elements.

Oh, Nine of Pentacles. How can we achieve you and all the other stuff as well? (Would be curious to see what she looks like in your new deck.) Also I just looked her up in your deck and with her arms flung wide she seems very actively free, rather than just peaceful in her garden. That makes her look even more independent, dammit.

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Agreed on all.

The Magician seems really apt as he is the opposite of banging your head against the wall, he's about finding a way around. So he's a good resource to use when you feel trapped or stuck.

Possibly that freedom is a good thing, because it means she is free to leave her garden and return to it as she pleases, rather than just being okay trapped there? Like you can go do other things and then come back to the garden when you need it?

[prozacpark.livejournal.com]

-arthurian legends. Agreed on all of it. I sort of see fandom as our modern mythology almost in that you have this impulse to keep filling out a core story and we end up with so many different versions of canon. Of course, it's not mainstream, and is cultish, but, you know, that's sort of why I think the fandom = ancient Greek cults thing works better, but it's all in the same neighborhood. My own fascination with mythology and Arthurian Legends comes from the same impulse.

-Hmm. You're making me ship Brutus/Mark Anthony. I too have a huge thing for people who are brought together by a common dead loved one, which I like to refer to as substitute shipping. :)

-I love pseudo incest! And sometimes, actual (fictional) incest. ;)

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Awesome. Yes, I really feel like the Arthurian Legends are an especially good example, because even in the middle ages there were different versions and things like Gawain's characterization have always been all over the place.

I am glad my evil plan is working re: recruiting to the good ship Brutus/Mark Antony (Brutantony?).

Substitute shipping is just so very interesting. It's something I've followed in almost every fandom I've been in.

As is the fictional incest/pseudo incest thing. Clearly I like problems with my ships.

[girlupnorth]

Seriously? There's no Brutus/Antony fic, not even after Rome? Weird.

Making lists actually tends to have the opposite effect on me - they make me even more nervous.

And I'm not going to watch Supernatural either - first, I'm easy to scare, and second, I heard some about the mysogyny of that show - and no, thanks.

Thanks for your answers!

(I've only ever done Tarot once, and I never really got deeper into it...)

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

I have not been able to find any. I was seriously really surprised what with Rome and all. Sigh. Maybe someday I will find it.