I read with every broken heart we should become more adventurous

[lodessa]

1) Fandom criteria for pairing creation
Extrapolated by myself and sophia_helix

a) Both characters are attractive
(pairing)

b) They have also met in canon
(main pairing)

c) They additionally occasionally argue
(OTP)




2) Srong Opinions:

So I was reading about the supreme court's latest indication of having no respect whatsoever for Roe v. Wade or women's welfare in general and one thing in particular hit me.

3 months from conception is not always adequate time to take care of things.

If you weren't having a crappy pregnancy you could not even realize you were pregnant until maybe 3 months if you were taking birth control pills or have an irregular cycle. Yeah you might have put on a few pounds but it isn't going to be obvious physically necessarily, and a lot of us are taking forms of birth control that mean you don't have your period for 3 or 4 or even 6 months. That's not even factoring in the denial aspect of the situation.

In addition to this, they count those months not from the date of conception but the end of your last period. So even if you took a pregnancy test the day you were late (which you wouldn't you'd wait a week or two), you'd already be considered a month pregnant... and the test probably wouldn't show it. So you'd wait, somewhat reassured. You'd be "2 months pregnant" before you knew it.

Unless you are taking a pregnancy test just in case at all times (which would be ridiculously expensive) you aren't necessarily going to know early on. Want there to be less late term abortions? Make pregnancy tests more easily accessible. Most sexually active women spend at least half the time scaring themselves into thinking they might be pregnant for no good reason, so we are somewhat hesitant to invest $20 in what we suspect is probably out over active imagination. Make them cheap and we'd sure enjoy some peace of mind.

Also, with the cutting off of funding to clinics... there may not be somewhere in your town you can even go and the closest location may make you wait weeks to get an appointment to even talk about options and then you'd have to wait even longer to actually have the procedure done. If you are lucky and have money/good health insurance it's a whole lot easier, but a whole lot of women woh have these options don't realize that they don't have to go to Planned Parenthood maybe because their medical group might provide those services cloaked in amongst prenatal care for people who actually want to have children. I didn't for a long time.


Listen people... no woman wants to have a later term abortion. It's a horrible painful experience. Women don't want to have abortions at all. We'd all love to never get pregnant until we really want to. But things happen.





3)On Life and Changing and Growing:
Today I was driving to work listening to Rilo Kiley's More Adventurous and the title track came on and I was thinking about how opposite the main idea is to our general conception about having been heartbroken. We tend to think that being burned makes you more cautious not more adventurous. So I've always found it a curious idea.

Until now. Because, my friends, I have become more adventurous. I used to be so afraid to push for what I wanted, say how I felt, demand what I deserved. But I went to therapy and did a hell of a lot of work and realized how badly fear had been working out for me. So over the last few years I have become more adventurous, precisely based on previous broken hearts. I told Eric the second time that I was crazy about him; he gave me a response I needed to hear and even though his declaration that I was the only one and he was faithful didn't prove the case... I got validation and I became more adventurous because I proceeded to tell Davis that I really liked him, wanted to be with him, and that I couldn't deal with him trampling all over my heart any more. It didn't get me what I wanted but it was a step and I think without it I would never have had the courage to commit to someone emotionally and say what I wanted and felt and there would never have been the possibility for any of what I am enjoying with Jeremy. And maybe we won't end up together but I am adventurous enough to be open to the possibility that we will and whatever happens... I plan to continue on becoming more adventurous.

Comments

[hamsterwoman]

3 months from conception is not always adequate time to take care of things.

Agreed with pretty much everything you say, especially this:

In addition to this, they count those months not from the date of conception but the end of your last period. So even if you took a pregnancy test the day you were late (which you wouldn't you'd wait a week or two), you'd already be considered a month pregnant... and the test probably wouldn't show it. So you'd wait, somewhat reassured. You'd be "2 months pregnant" before you knew it.

And if a woman *does* have irregular cycles, then the "from the end of your last period" could be even more misleading, and eat even further into the three months window. (As an example, with my first pregnancy -- a wanted one -- conception actually took place around 50 days after the end of the last period, and the hormone levels did not rise to a level that a pregnancy test would notice until about day 65. Which means I would've been automatically over two months pregnant according to these rules -- not leaving much of any kind of manageable window. )

Yes, there do need to be some guidelines, I think -- so that it's not just up to an individual doctor in less clear-cut cases -- because checks and balances are better than no checks and balances, pretty much always, in my opinion, as longs as the checks and the balances are managed by competent and informed persons. But they need to be reasonable, and these are too restrictive.

On a much lighter note:

1) Fandom criteria for pairing creation

a) Both characters are attractive
(pairing)

b) They have also met in canon
(main pairing)

c) They additionally occasionally argue
(OTP)

Very plausible! And totally describes both the foundation and depth of my Jaime/Loras shipping. Which, according to these criteria, would qualify as an OTP :)

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Yes. I naturally have about a 5 week cycle but I skip about 2 periods a year. So sometimes it is like 10 weeks between. Not to mention that's when I am not on the pill... which is a whole other level of confusing as far as that stuff goes.

I don't think things should be a free for all but these laws are ridiculous. They go beyond taking away choice and go so far as to endanger peoples lives. The medical community should be the ones figuring this out in my opinion, and the court seems determined to dismiss and vilify them.


So very true. It all started sort of as a laugh, talking about why some of the Firefly slash ships exist the way they do, but it's pretty accurate... although Petyr and Sansa don't argue so it doesn't explain why I ship them so much. I think it's more accurate with male slash ships than het or femslash.

Jaime/Loras is intersting. Loras is the image of all that Jaime once was, although not anymore I guess.

[hamsterwoman]

The medical community should be the ones figuring this out in my opinion, and the court seems determined to dismiss and vilify them.

Exactly! Which is stupid as well as counterproductive... *sigh*

although Petyr and Sansa don't argue so it doesn't explain why I ship them so much. I think it's more accurate with male slash ships than het or femslash.

You're probably right about the greater m/m slash applicability. I don't read much femslash, but it does seem to fit into a less antagonistic/friendly-competitive framework. But it does seem to work pretty well for het as well, at least judging by Harry Potter fandom.

Petyr/Sansa is more deeply gloriously creepy than mere arguing could provide, so it's no surprise :)

Jaime/Loras is intersting. Loras is the image of all that Jaime once was, although not anymore I guess.

Yeah, my evolution of that ship literally was (as documented by my periodic write-ups of ASOIAF thoughts as I was reading through ASoS and AFfC:

1) Hey, two canonically beautiful guys! And one of them is actually gay. I wonder if there's J/L slash out there?

2) Oooh, they actually interact! The conversation when Jaime arrives at King's Landing with Brienne -- and there's, like, tension between Jaime and Loras. OK, where can I find some J/L slash to read?

3) Oooh, they actually interact some more! With more tension! And Loras reminds Jaime of a younger version of himself! Which would be a little creepy, in slash context, but -- Jaime thinks of Cersei as a *female* version of himself, and obviously he had no problem with that. So, getting involved with a younger version of himself would be clearly totally up his alley! Crap, this is now my ASOIAF OTP, isn't it?

4) Reads AFfC:

"I saw you in the yard today," said Jaime. "You rode well."
"Better than well, surely." Ser Loras poured himself a cup of wine, and took a seat across the half-moon table.
"A more modest man might have answered 'My lord is too kind,' or 'I had a good mount.'"
"The horse was adequate, and my lord is as kind as I am modest."

Squees. All is lost.

It fits into your three-stage model so well it's scary...

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

"Gloriously creepy" pretty much describes them perfectly.


You are so very right about the metaphorical self-cest going on. It's more pronounced on Cersei's side but yes, clearly there's some self love going on. I am now seeing Jaime taking his hatred of himself out on Loras in bed... because I am a sick person. Too bad Cersei hates the Tyrrels so much or there could have been a threesome in the works.

[hamsterwoman]

metaphorical self-cest

Self-cest! I was looking for something to call it, but gave up -- that totally works though.

And while Cersei is more self-aware of hers, I think, I'm pretty sure it's largely true for both of them. I loved the mirroring sentences in ASoS and AFfC where first Jaime thinks, "If I were a woman, I would be Cersei" and then Cersei thinks, "If I were a man, I would be Jaime."

I am now seeing Jaime taking his hatred of himself out on Loras in bed... because I am a sick person.

It would totally work, though! Jaime has a... complex self-image, and it should make for a nicely complicated relationship. Hardly anybody seems to write Jaime/Loras, though -- bit surprising, given the character hotness factor, but I suppose it might be because I'm the only person in fandom who actually *likes* Loras, in all his cocky, pretty, flower-spangled glory. Everybody else seems to be rooting for him to have, in fact, been horribly disfigured at Dragonstone...

Too bad Cersei hates the Tyrrels so much or there could have been a threesome in the works.

Or possibly even a foursome. But then, I seem to be one of the only three people in fandom who like Margaery, too...

(It just occurred to me, for the first time, that the Tyrels and the Lannisters are a nice kind of twisted mirror of each other, even in their own minds. Jaime notices the parallel with Loras. Cersei believes Margaery is the young queen prophesied to replace her (and has suspicions of Margaery/Loras incest), while Garlan is a kind of anti-Tyrion, as the handsome and beloved older brother. He even upstages Tyrion's defense of the city by playing Renly's ghost.)

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

I sort of feel like the concept of them being mirror selves is more Cersei's idea and that Jaime had adopted it just like he let himself be spoon fed everything else by her.

Hardly anyone writes anything is the real problem. I've seen Loras/Renly of course and a wonderfully grotesque and fascinating Loras/Brienne, but I do feel like someone else on my flist ships Loras/Jaime as well as you. I just can't remember who.

I like Margery a lot and find Loras a fun and useful character even though I am not so much attached to him as a lot of other characters. Of course the matron of the family, Lady Olenna, the Queen of Thorns, is totally my favorite Tyrell.

Cersei definitely projects a lot onto the Tyrells, seeing them as trying to do what her family has already done.

Willas is actually more of the Tyrion figure than Garlan. Then again you can also see him as a Bran figure being crippled and all.

[hamsterwoman]

I sort of feel like the concept of them being mirror selves is more Cersei's idea and that Jaime had adopted it just like he let himself be spoon fed everything else by her.

That would certainly make sense, too. He is definitely letting go of that delusion now, so it may well be an externally imposed one.

Hardly anyone writes anything is the real problem. I've seen Loras/Renly of course and a wonderfully grotesque and fascinating Loras/Brienne,

Well, there seem to be the Sansa/Sandor folks -- which is an interesting pairing in its own right, but I'm apparently not as fascinated by Sandor as many others. And James/Brienne, which I actually really enjoy, too. And some Jon slash, I guess.

You wouldn't happen to have a link to that Loras/Brienne, would you? That sounds quite intriguing!

Of course the matron of the family, Lady Olenna, the Queen of Thorns, is totally my favorite Tyrell.

Mine too! She is actually one of my top 3-5 favorite characters overall. I adore her, and regret that Sansa didn't get a chance to hang out with her more and maybe learn a thing or two about standing up for herself.

Willas makes a really good mirror for Tyrion, too... Physically imperfect, but his father's heir (as Tyrion should have been), and there was that whole plot to marry Sansa to him. Guess it takes two Tyrells to mirror one Lannister dwarf...

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

Yeah theoretically I am interested in Sansa/Sandor but Sansa/Petyr wins out every time in my heart.

Thankfully he's been teaching her a lot of what she failed to learn earlier in life.

I really love Jaime/Brienne as a canon and interesting pairing.

And I generally am not much of a slash girl but I did end up writing Jon/Robb one time... which I liked more than expected.

The Loras/Brienne fic (http://community.livejournal.com/notafanficcomm/1540.html#cutid1)
It's a locked community since GRRM doesn't like fanfiction.

Tyrion's just a lot more complex, being a major POV character and all.

[hamsterwoman]

Thank you for the fic link! That was twisted and powerful. Definitely not a pairing I had considered before, but with some *very* interesting interaction potential.

I did end up writing Jon/Robb one time... which I liked more than expected.

Jon/Robb is just about the only Jon pairing I can actually get into. Possibly because it's the one least likely to be angsty. I mean, tragic, yes, angsty -- oddly enough, no.

And your Jon/Robb ficlet is beautiful (hadn't read it before, I don't think) -- especially the last line!

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

It has one of my favorite elements for pairings, a bond created by a shared lost love. It's definitely not a traditional pairing, more would I want it to be but it is quite interesting.

I've been really interested in the idea of Jon/Sansa recently, but yes. Jon/Robb works because they did get along... it is the opposite of the classical slash pairing and it's lovely because it only gets this little window in a time of innocence and then it is cut off forever so there is no room for things to sour and grow bitter.

I'm glad you liked the ficlet. We probably weren't friended yet when I wrote it. All this watercolored light and ideas about Snow and Stark and responsibility just came pouring out that I didn't realize I had even been thinking about. They are Ned's sons and that leaves a heavy burden of responsibility on both of them, though in different ways of course.

Of course, now for no reason I am having ideas about Jon marrying Jeyne in some sort of old tradition similar to certain old old semetic customs about widows and brothers and such.

[hamsterwoman]

They are Ned's sons and that leaves a heavy burden of responsibility on both of them, though in different ways

Yup -- that's a large part of what I think makes this pairing work as well as it does. And the Stark and Snow motif throughout the ficlet worked beautifully.

I find the Jon and Sansa relationship very interesting, and (I think we might have talked about this before, too) would actually love to see them meet now that Sansa is no longer a spoiled little girl, to see if they'd surprise each other and themselves. But I have a hard time seeing it as something non-platonic.

I am having ideas about Jon marrying Jeyne in some sort of old tradition similar to certain old old semetic customs

That would actually be really cool! Not that there appears any traditional-like reason for it in Westeros, but Jon and Robb are the most similar of the Stark kids, I think, and thus I suspect Jon and Jeyne would get along (and have that shared lost love thing, too). And, if Jeyne is actually pregnant with Robb's child (as I'm kind of hoping-against-hope she is), it would be lovely for Jon to raise his nephew/whatever.

And also, I think Robb's and Jon's relationships (with Jeyne and Ygritte) sort of paralleled each other, or mirrored, maybe. In that they both had to make a choice between duty and personal honor, essentially, and Jon chose duty over honor, essentially, by choosing to go through with Halfhand's orders to the point of getting involved with Ygritte, and Robb chose honor over duty when he decided to marry Jeyne rather than go through the engagement with the Freys, which would've benefitted him as king. And starting the relationship with Ygritte saves Jon's life, since the Wildlings spare him for that reason, while starting the relationship with Jeyne is what ultimately leads to his death. So, there's a nice sort of symmetry, and having Jon and Jeyne, the survivors, get together would take advantage of it.

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

The one time I tried to write Jon and Sansa it did end up more platonic.

Well Ned did marry Catelyn in Brandon's place, so it's not entirely out of the question to have an idea of family responsibility for marriage, but I think that was more about alliances and there seems to be no such tradition for widows.

I really feel like Jeyne has to be pregnant with Robb's kid, regardless of the logistics... otherwise what was the point of all that talk about her not being.

Oh symmetry, how I love you. Also yes that's a beautiful analysis.

[hamsterwoman]

Well Ned did marry Catelyn in Brandon's place, so it's not entirely out of the question to have an idea of family responsibility for marriage, but I think that was more about alliances and there seems to be no such tradition for widows.

Yeah, I do think it was an alliance thing, much like the marriage of Margaery and Tommen, post Joff's death. (Don't suppose she counts as a widow though, even so.)

I really feel like Jeyne has to be pregnant with Robb's kid, regardless of the logistics... otherwise what was the point of all that talk about her not being.

Yeah, that's exactly my reasoning, too -- unless GRRM's intentionally messing with us.

What would be really neat is if Jeyne really is pregnant, presumably with a boy, and he actually survives, he'd be the lord of Winterfell, wouldn't he? And it would actually make perfect sense for Jon to mentor little Eddard (I assume) in the way of the Starks. Because I suspect Bran will be too, for lack of a better word, weird, post all the three-eyed crow stuff, and Rickon (and Arya) are too wild, and it doesn't look like Sansa spent too much time learning the Stark/Lord of Winterfell side of things. So Jon would be the perfect candidate.

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

I imagine you would be right about Jeyne and the baby, obviously it's a long time till he would be anywhere near ready to rule a kingdom. Although, obviously I'd prefer for Jon to ultimately get something of his own, not be displaced and out of a job in his middle age.

[sophia-helix.livejournal.com]

Heee, I forgot to say that the shipping criteria really amuses me more than it should. Too troo.

[lodessa.livejournal.com]

it is like... so true and yet so horrible.